Liz Burr

Little do you all know, I am actually a crazy mad woman behind the scenes. I (supposedly) get things done and run a company, but in truth--my wheels STAY spinning.

But I am working on it. The past few days I have been contemplating some really big moves and plans for 2009 and I realized I am way too unorganized to do anything. My first goal is to get organized, create systems to keep myself organized so I can be more effective with my time and energy. I hired an assistant months ago--but she doesn't do any work because I haven't delegated much to her at all. This needs to stop.

Anyway, as I temporarily avoid replying to email (I am backed up, to say the least) you guys keep writing in! To tell me how great and wonderful and awesome I am! And! If only you knew! I am a mess. LOL.

I just wanted to write a short note to say THANK YOU:

To everyone who writes me sweet and encouraging emails (I'm going to write back I promise).
To everyone on Twitter who takes the time to pay me any mind.
To all my online and IRL friends who supported me throughout 2008 with all your encouragement and support.

The good and bad times of 2008 were so much better with you guys in my corner with your emails, text messages, IMs, tweets, DMs, messages, meetups, videochats, Facebook comments, phone calls, blog comments, etc.

THANK YOU.

I haven't been able to stay on top of replying to everybody, and I apologize if you may feel like I ignored you. I promise, I read everything that comes in....getting back is another story. But I am working on it! So, thanks again for your time and energy and good vibes.

/end corny entry and return to Bat cave to organize....something.

I was reading Julia Allison (don't judge me), and she found this wonderful little Year in Review template. I thought I'd fill it out in lieu of writing some reflective entry where I babble on and on about 2008.

In 2008, I gained --------some new awesome friends (IRL and online)----------.
I lost ------------------my grandmother-------------.
I stopped ------------working for the man--------------.
I started --------------my own company----------.
I was hugely satisfied by ----the election--------.
And frustrated by --------Sarah Palin----------.
I am so embarrassed that I ------(why would i share this? LOL)-----------.
Once again, I --------tried to stop drinking soda----------.
Once again, I did not ------stop drinking soda----------.
The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is --15 lbs and a 15cm fibroid on my uterus---------.
The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this
December is ------I'm stronger, happier------------.
I loved spending time ----with friends and family----------.
Why did I spend even two minutes ----worrying---?
I should have spent more time ----talking to my grandmother--------.
I regret buying ------my iPhone so early------------.
I will never regret buying --my Wii--- even though with that money I could have bought ----a Wii for my brother and sisters---------.
I --------eat out--------- way too much.
I didn't --------stay focused------------------ enough.
--------My health----------------- drove me crazy.
Was ----the weather----- crazier than ever last year? Or was it me?
The most relaxing place I went was --that resort in Palm Desert-----.
I feel so ----peaceful--- when I write that down.
Why did I go to ------Brazil--------------?
The best thing I did for someone else was --support them in their time of need----.
The best thing I did for myself was ----elect to have surgery----.
The best thing someone did for me was --listen to me----.
The one thing I'd like to do again, but do it better, is ----blog-------.

My family knows me by my first name, but to friends and the general public I am known as Elizabeth Burr, which is also my grandmother's name. My grandmother had a massive stroke, and after three days in intensive care, she passed away on December 11th.

I can't describe how much my heart broke when I found out she was ill. It was hard to believe at first, because my grandmother was a very strong woman who seemingly had nine lives. She's been shot in the arm at close range, she's had four of her houses burn down (the last one almost took her life), she's survived breast cancer, she's had both knees and a hip replaced (all over the age of 65). Yet and still, as recent as this summer she was on her tractor plowing the soil on one of her farms. It's like nothing could stop her.

Except high blood pressure.

My grandma used to joke and say, "if I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself." LOL. She died at the ripe old age of 85 (or so we think--grandma rarely gave anyone a straight answer about what year she was born. A lady never reveals her true age!).

My grandma was special to me because she often acted as my surrogate parent. Growing up in a single parent household, I had to stay with my grandparents every summer because my mom couldn't afford childcare when school was out of session. A few times I lived with my grandparents for the entire school year.

I was very close to my grandmother. We always had adventures and special things that we did together. Road trips, garage sales, shopping, cooking, baking, gardening, farming, fishing--we always had a good time together. Our recent past time involved cooking chitlins together for the holidays. I would clean them *all* day long, we would cook them all night long, and by 3 am, they were ready. She and I would dine as soon as they were done because all of our hard labor in the kitchen deserved (somewhat) instant gratification.

Looking back, I realize that my grandmother's influence on my life is paramount. She was staunchly independent--she could do anything she put her mind to. She would listen to all the advice in the world, but when she had her mind set on something she was going to make it happen in whatever way seemed most logical to her. She was well educated, having both her bachelor's and master's degree, which strikes me as even more impressive given the time in which she grew up. I realize now that her career as a teacher and her educational background are what influenced me most in my own educational goals.

My grandmother had a very sassy side to her as well; she had the funniest sly remarks and jokes. Don't get me wrong--she was always  graceful and kind to everyone (sometimes too nice). She just had the best retorts of anyone I've ever known.

Another significant example my grandmother set for me was her love for my grandfather. She loved him. No matter what he did, no matter where he went, she loved him and would do anything for him. He felt the same about her.  My grandfather never finished third grade, but my grandmother was by his side so much so that people could never tell he was illiterate. I remember she would fill out his paperwork for his truckdriving job, and when he opted to become a truckdriving instructor at a local college, she had to brief him on what his faculty application said lol. Today, they rest in peace together.

My grandmother never wanted much. She just wanted her space (hence the farms), her animals, and her family. My grandmother had the biggest heart. She always made sure she had extra bedrooms for anybody who may need to drop by, or if a grandchild or cousin or nephew needed somewhere to stay.  She may have owned over 30 horses, but each horse had their own pet name and she treated them like they were her lap dogs.  The same went for her cows, pigs, emus, ostriches, chickens, geese, goats, pheasants, et al. Every animal had a name, a voice and a story. 

My grandparents didn't believe in racism as a crutch. True, they were Black and grew up in segregation (random fact: my grandma used to pick cotton for a living when she was young). Like many Blacks of their time, White people got under their skin.  But I believe they chose to make their home in New Mexico largely because there was somewhat less direct racism that occurred there (as opposed to Texas, where my grandfather is from). They could have a farm, and even if they didn't farm the land, they had their own space to be at peace. They always did their own thing, and didn't have a problem with being the only Black farmers they knew, or the only Black family in the town they resided. 

My biggest takeaway from both of them is that I should never feel limited by my surroundings or circumstances. Don't be afraid to do your own thing, and do what makes you happy.  My grandparents were always thankful for what they had, but they never stopped dreaming. Be proud of who you are and what you have, but never stop dreaming for bigger and better.

Now that I am back in Los Angeles, I am slowly getting myself back to normal, but also making some changes in my life. One thing my trip to Brazil did for me was make me realize how lazy of an American I am--on so many levels--as well as how much of a glutton i am.

And now I feel guilty.

I really want to run down to Panera and get my sausage breakfast sandwich, because that is what I do every weekday morning. Or, go to Robek's and pick up a nice smoothie if I'm feeling healthy. But knowing how I went two weeks without my "neccessities" combined with realizing how ridiculously expensive that is in the grand scheme of things makes me feel guilty about wanting them.

So, instead, I sit here in my bed.

I'm somewhat fearful about what I am going to do with myself. I can't not eat. I can't not spend. But it all seems so frivolous now. Cable TV? Frivolous. All these clothes? Frivolous! My Wii? Frivolous! These are also expensive. Why do I spend so much?  

I feel like downsizing my entire life now. Going into closets, getting rid of all these "extras" or at least organizing them and putting them in a storage unit for safe keeping. I don't need all this stuff at my fingertips.

I am a packrat on top of being one of these greedy Americans. I love this country, in fact I have never loved it as much as when I was outside of it. I just think I am beginning to go overboard with my consumption habits.

I'm back in the states. Still not back to LA yet, but I am making my way back to the left side.

My trip was quite the experience. It had it's awesome times, as well as it's not so awesome times. Either way, it was good to get away from my normal day to day routine for two weeks, and just be in another country. Some take aways and lessons from my time in Brazil:

1. I spend too much money on luxuries and convenient services, and don't appreciate the basics. (I write this as I lay across my king bed in my suite hotel in Washington, DC.) I like nice things, but I realized I don't appreciate the basics. Like hot water, and being able to go to an ATM any time of night. And root beer.

2. I spend too much money on and consume a lot of processed food. Now that I am back in the states, my digestive system is not having the best of times. It was nice and calm the entire time I was in Brazil. I am going to reevaluate my diet when I get back to LA.

3. The Internet is slow as molasses in Brazil. It may have been my janky wireless, but in general, be thankful for this lightning speed packet movement we get in the states. Yes, I am a spoiled geek.

4. I spend too much time on Instant Messenger. I have something like 8 screen names across different services. I think I enjoyed not being logged on to them all at the same time, all day. Don't expect to see me on your favorite instant messaging service anytime soon.

5. I have a lot of gadgets that use up a lot of electricity. Electricity is that crack and I have a bigger dependency on it than I thought.

6. I like to travel. I don't like being looked upon as a tourist when in another country. I enjoy being able to blend in.

7. I am a pretty smart cookie, yet when I do not know the language of the land I feel like the dumbest person to walk the planet. Interesting how that works.

8. I do not enjoy being the only woman in the company of men. I didn't think it would bother me. It did.

9. My camera and my iPod are very good travel companions.

10. It's bigger than religion, hip hop.

All in all, this was a great trip and came to me at the right time. I have some personal evaluations to go through as a result of this trip, and this leads me up into what I anticipate to be a great year in 2009.

Brazil pictures and stories to come.

I've been in Brazil for over a week. It feels like an eternity.

I have a lot of pictures.

I have a lot to say.

We'll see what sees the light of day on the Internet.

Until next time.

21 months ago I did something I never ever thought I'd do: I signed up to help out on an election campaign (you can play Where's Liz in that pic, I am somewhere in the crowd, haha).

It was early. Obama had just announced he was going for the gold. People were apprehensive about the idea of a Black man actually running and winning. I know some of my friends were really skeptical, telling me they weren't convinced, yadda yadda. I didn't fight it back then. I admit, I was apprehensive too, but for whatever reason I believed he could do it.

I am in Chicago right now with lots of friends and lots of people. I am going to the rally. The city is electric with enthusiasm. People are either going to rally or riot, true story. I just got back from a tour of Obama HQ in downtown Chicago and it was all I ever dreamed it would be. Only with less people around. Everyone was pretty calm, tho I was impressed with the energy of the New Media team (and yes I am jealous of them too--dope gig!).

Hopefully tonight my blind faith and enthusiasm that began 21 months ago will come to fruition.

I have been working a lot lately, mostly on the startup, and I've been running myself a little ragged. Due to this I have been searching for things to help me stay focused and calm, but organized and competent. Two things in particular have greatly helped me:

1. An Assistant. I hired an assistant because I was putting off some of my paperwork and smaller items and procrastinating with getting things done on the business side. My assistant is superawesome. I started her off with only a few hours a month, but I am going to increase her hours as much as she can handle (and as much as I can afford) so that I can have sort of a backup person to remind me of things, stay on top of my pile of bills, etc. My assistant is definitely more than just an assistant though, so I am very lucky to have her on board.

2. Mini Vacations. This past weekend I went to Atlanta for Morehouse/Spelman Homecoming. No, I didn't go to Spelman but I have lots of friends who went to Morehouse and they go to homecoming every year. Anyway, I did the  unthinkable and didn't work for 3 whole days. I just kept an eye on email via my iPhone and had lots and lots of fun. Staying in a nice hotel, renting a car, and inviting your friends to come share in on the fun helped reset my frantic life. I often work 7 days a week, and perhaps something like 15 hours a day. It was very difficult to leave my work behind, but I managed. I think I may plan for something like this every other a month: a trip somewhere either to visit family and friends I haven't seen in a while or to go to a special event. I feel much more focused and refreshed now that I am back, and I didn't break my bank either.

I am still in search of other things to stay healthy and sane, but so far I feel like I am off to a good start. What keeps you balanced?

I'm up late. Thinking about moving.

For the last 18 months I have had this itch to move to New York City. Some days the itch is faint. Other days it's ridiculously strong. I don't have any strong reasons to move to NYC (job, family); my sole motivation is to do it just to see if I can do it. Then move back to California where I will (presumably) get married and have children and raise them in sunny Orange County, preferably Irvine or Newport Beach. If you knew either of these two cities, you might want to barf, as they're pretty much the epitome of Levittown, only with better weather and  Asians. I can't help it though, I grew up in Tustin, and my first job was in Newport Beach. I spent my entire life watching the happy people live their happy little Levittown lives in Irvine and Newport, I guess that was my reference point for The American Dream.

Back to NYC. My ace Boom lives in NYC. Lots of cool people I know and love live in NYC. LA is starting to bore me. Yes, I love the weather. I hate driving. That's a lie, I love to drive. I hate the time spent driving though. I love my New Mexico road trips. I don't like how a NM road trip is the equivalent of a trip to the San Gabriel Valley for me. But I do feel bored here. Social life is almost stifling here.  

I started to look on craigslist for NYC apartments. I can't help but feel like a fish out of water, toying with this idea. I haven't been so off kilter since my first week arriving at MIT back in '99. I remember it so vividly, my first night there. My parents shipped me off to MIT all by my lonesome. My dorm room was so bare and sterile. I was afraid to walk outside by myself at night. I was obsessed with not losing my dorm room keys. It was just me, in this new foreign place. For years I tried to avoid that feeling, but now, I kind of yearn for it again. Newness.

I just may put a plan in motion to move to NYC. Not making any promises. I did move out to LA for A Reason and I have yet to seriously confront that Reason. I have my excuses (work, school, new business), but in reality I have never given it the ole college try. Moving to NYC would mean turning on that idea for now, and so I wonder, do I have the guts to go for what I said I wanted? Do I still want It?

We shall see.

Life is moving along well in the world of running my own business. Between working with my clients, managing the business side of the business, and launching a startup, my schedule is crazy. I have evaded a few panic attacks the past few weeks, which is good because they wouldn't have been worth it. I alternate between obsessing over my checking account balance everyday, and swiping away to my hearts content and forcing myself NOT  to look at my bank account balance for days. There's got to  be a happy medium in there somewhere.

I want to thank all the folks again who come by and send me a sweet email or leave a comment to cheer me on. It seems right when I am almost to a low point (albeit dramatic--I really don't have much to be sad about lol), somebody somewhere says something to put a smile on my face, and I push forward. Thank you.

I have a cold. I need health insurance. I know how to get health insurance. I know how to get affordable health insurance. But I am being silly and want to save that money. I will get my health insurance soon though. SOON. I just have to get my mind right and fill out those forms again. I hate forms. I hate paperwork. So much so, I have $250 free bucks waiting for me. I just have to fill out a form to get it. It's been a month and I still have not filled out the form.

I had to send a fax out of state this week. It cost me something over 5 dollars to send 4 pages over at Kinko's. What the mess? I have two fax/scan/copy machines, but no phone line. I don't think getting a phone line is worth the cost...I've been looking into some electronic faxing solutions. If you know of any, let me know.

Now that I am the master of my own schedule, I have been thinking about going to more conferences to beef up my skills and such. I don't like networking (surprise! It's because I am shy). But I love conferences. So, I am going to SXSWi this year, and I am batting my eyelashes at The Future of Web Apps. I have never been to Miami, either! I just need to get myself one more fat contract and I will sign right up.

I find that I am addicted to work. Doesn't matter which project (a client, the startup, my pet projects), I am just always working working working and getting a little lost in my work. Like, I'll go out on a weekend night, come home at 2 am and then work until 5 am. And  for some reason I cannot sleep past 8 am to save my life. My energy is on a hundred, thousand, trillion! I felt guilty for taking the day off to be sick in bed. I need to watch myself. Good thing I have planned a vacation at the end of the month. Going to ATL (again) to see my best bud as well as one of my line sisters, and have a very non-work filled weekend. I am excited. Of course, I plan to play hard, so that means I'll be working hard up until then. Maybe if I can schedule in weekend getaways every month or so, I will be ok.

Ok, I need to get my day going. I have roughly four hours of meetings today. Fun.